Too nice?

Ever since I was always got picked on, teased, bullied and all of the nasty things that any person can do to you, I've experienced almost all of them just for the reason that I don't fight back and I can control my anger.

A lot of people told me that I am too kind. They also asked my why don't I fight back? I guess I was brought up this way from a peacefull loving family you can't expect that I have a very little strand of patience and I am easily angered. My mom will scold me and my sister will be mad at me if they found out that I have enimies.

I don't want to cause pain to others so I guess I rather feel it than them. It may sound ideal or impossible but I always think of the greater good before I do anything harsh that I might forget. One example of this is when someone tries to bully me instead of fighting back and thinking that if I fight back I might hit this person both emotionally and physically (it happened and I didn't not liked the results).

Should I change? Should I stop being too kind? Should I stop thinking of others and start thinking about myself? I always say that it won't happen again (me being bullied), it won't, it won't but when that moment comes I can't stop myself its like an automatic remote control device is planted in my head that prevents me from saying "stop or you won't like what I wil do to you".

Last night the amazing thing happened I guess I was too drunk that that remote control I was talking about didn't worked. I fought back and I almost hit the guy. Almost, but a lot of people stood between us even the girl I like she said "wag mo ng patulan" / "don't entertain your anger" so I didn't at least I fought back that's step for being not too nice. Then he tried to shake my hand and said his joking I didn't accept it but I told him "yah I was joking too". It's like a huge rock was lifted off my chest and finally I was able to breathe because of that.

I was wondering what could my life have been if I am not too nice. I could have gotten what I've wanted, I could have everything without hesitation then I guess now I don't have any regrets. I want to be mean, I want to hit someone, I really wanted to be bad big time......